I am indebted to Laura at Dance of The Mind
for her valuable suggestions prior to posting this poem.
The heavens expand forever in light
A spirit of energy with all of its might
Its intentions are clear, no anger from heat
Compassion and reverence to all at its feet
The earth is its identity like a childhood embrace
Its inhabitants restrict poor nature its place
Depletes mother earth of land water and air
Flash from red sunspots, a message board date
Behold your light flickers; its light is less bright
Wrestle your conscious, your rivers loose flow
The land soon a desert, I see through dim light
Its time for re birth, its time for new life
We share in the wounds of a glorious earth
Time for healing, to embrace its wide girth
Sustain what’s sustainable, our garden of life
Continue forever as our precious light
1 comment:
I like this poem - clever use of language to express an idea. My suggestion would be to work on the flow of it a little more as when you read it you get used to a sort of rhyming formula but then you’re thrown off in verses 2 and 3 which don’t flow in the same way. I think it’s better to stick with one rhyming method, or use 1 plus another type for a chorus, for example. Also I’m not clear on the meaning of
Flash from red sunspots, a message board date and ..
Behold your light flickers; its light is less bright
Wrestle your conscious, your rivers loose flow.
I'd like to hear what your intentions with these lines.
I hope you don't mind my comments.
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