I don’t think there is any
alternative other than to go through the grieving process upon the occasion of
the death of a loved one. For me much earlier on when my father died, when I
was only in my early twenties, one comforting factor was the letter he wrote to
me just a few months before he died. Therein he stated it is just as well
we don’t have a say when we depart this world, but as if adding a note of
reassurance to me, he added don’t think son I have given up hope,
because I will be trying hard to contradict the doctors prognosis.
That same feeling over 50 years later prompted the inclusion of the biblical reference to a time for everything. But at the age 42, it does seem that a time for Rachael was far too soon. The grieving for me is naturally enough for what is the abrupt ending of the earthly relationship, to only continue in those relived memories every day. They flash in and out of my mind like the wind in my face, the crashing of waves on the beach or a gentle breeze. Over the past month I have felt it wash over me again whilst walking along the river bathed in sunshine. These repeated experiences occur on the way down to the river path. My first experience was an unexpected feeling of joy as if I suddenly breathed it in from the surrounding bush-land. The trees appeared to be in more detail than I had previously observed. That feeling quickly passed and I wondered if it ever would be repeated. But a few days later on that exact same spot I was overwhelmed by an aching type of feeling, except it was not unpleasant, but best described as if all prior angst was being removed in preparation to enter a new dimension. That feeling also quickly passed. The third and fourth experiences were of a feeling of merging of consciousness into a new realm which maybe is a not to be repeated finale. My wife also experienced similar welcomed spontaneous feelings whilst travelling in the car to Eltham. Whether they will continue only time will tell.
As such they offer solace as a
companion in spirit, as I feel they are not to be resisted or even interpreted. One might as well try and pin a map of the earth on a sunset. Just what one experiences out of the ordinary but accepts, like the warmth of the sun, the shade of the trees, the welcome
emergence of new life and the falling leaves. The spirit of friendship
and support of both shared memories and in the exchange of symbolism continues to provide meaning for me. We watch the gift of the rose bloom, the
olive tree basking in the sun, along with an assortment of plants on our
small balcony. Then there are all of the cards, emails, 46 heartfelt notes
in the guest book, over 470 visits to the live streaming of the funeral and the numerous interactions that remind us of her life and
the impact going forward, They all provide warm feelings to help fill the
void of sadness of her absence. What was most reassuring to us was to learn of
the numerous added life dimensions, to learn from others as to how she provided
meaning to those who now mourn her passing. What lives on is her
exquisite art, particularly the symbolic artwork in the cross that she gifted,
to the individualized tunes in honor of those designated - that continue to be
cherished, along with her songs and prayers. We also draw strength from
both updates of past fading memories to more recent revelations with people
whose lives she touched just as it now touches ours.
Coping with the grief is made
easier by the caring relationships that emerge more positively and to allow
those feelings of love to flourish and help alleviate sadness. From out of
the blue came relationships we weren’t aware of as some came from far away and
whose tributes gave us comfort.
Many poignant and philosophical notes came from across the country and overseas were far too many to note individually as they all rank in equal significance and comfort to us. But here are examples: just by way of a subjective few:
Every single one of us was carried
with her and she will forever be carried within us.
Life does not afford you the
opportunity to make truly deep connections or meet people like Rachael all too
often, and I always held her so close to my heart and always will.
Rachael was such a talented, intelligent, beautiful, patient, creative, loving and gentle person. Just being in her presence could put you at ease. Every year I looked forward to my birthday card from Rachael. She always created the most amazing and creative cards. I was always amazed by the effort she put in. They would have taken her hours.
I have so many fond and beautiful memories of the time we spent together in primary school and throughout our teenage years. The awesome foursome will never be the same without her.
I hope nature and the Earth now get a chance to fully appreciate the deep love you carried for them and that together you may experience peace and tranquility that was always radiating from within during your time here. May your song now truly become an elemental force of nature itself, like we always knew it was. With pain in our hearts we acknowledge the joy, harmony and resonance you brought to so many lives around you and to many more that you will never know. Love, always.
I’m very sad to be saying goodbye to my very first friend but so privileged to be able to call her that. Rachael encouraged us all to be ourselves around her, never giving out judgment even if our singing was off. There are not many teenage girls that would play Enya to her friends to help them get to sleep. I will be calling Rachael in to visit me through nature, while I’m cradled by the gums and by the waters. I will sing for her and play Rachael’s music to have her close and to ensure her vibrant kind spirit lives on and is honoured.
